Safety and Freedom. Can we give our children both?

Rowan (my youngest) and I have decided to see some old Disney classics this week. All of ours are on VHS, and it's been a while since anyone in this house has watched anything on VHS. Our pics, Snow White, The Fox and The Hound, Bambi, and Aladdin. We watched Bambi, then The Fox and the Hound back to back, and Rowan turned to me and said "Both the mothers die" Well, this is a theme you hear discussed a lot as a mother of small children living in progressive SE Portland. Disney's misogynistic bent. Always offing the mother. I knew this formula, and started to tell Rowan what I knew, first off that every movie we had rented had no mother from the start, or she got killed early on. For the record, I never believed this was misogyny . I just thought it was a convenient formula. Anyway, I start to tell Rowan how leaving the character without a mother puts them into all kinds of danger which allows for a conflict to be resolved through the plot of the story. He said "Oh, I just thought that without the mother, there was no one to stop them from having adventures and experiences that would make a good story." I just shut up. Now, I know all of the psychological Run Away Bunny mumbo jumbo about how it makes the child feel powerless because the mama bunny is always able to bring them home again. Again, never bought into it. I think The Run Away Bunny is Great. I think that Guess How Much I Love You is great. Some psychologists think the daddy bunny in Guess How Much I Love You is always one upping the baby bunny and making him feel powerless. Whatever. My point is that Rowan has never heard these psychologists. He was just giving me his take on offing the mother. Mom gone, adventure ensues. I have an eighteen year old who is really putting me through the paces here lately, and I have been forced to take a real good look at my parenting. Do I do too much for my children? Do I allow them too many freedoms?
Once there was a little bunny who wanted to run away... "If you run away" Said his mother, " I will run after you, for you are my little bunny." I guess, if you use the right intonation and inflection it could be construed as a little controlling. But we are supposed to have control. We are supposed to keep them safe. It's our number one biological objective. Have babies, keep them alive. Safety and freedom. Perfect balance, please. Does anyone have the formula?

Playmobil!

Our holiday Playmobil arrived last week. That includes Advent Calendars and Santa Claus figures that will be stubbornly placed in the basement until I feel I can't hold out any longer. I always aim for the week of Thanksgiving, but give in a bit sooner to the pressures from a retailing perspective. Never do I place stuff mid-October like the big guys, I just can't rush my life like that. So, the advent calendars are sitting on a shelf marked seasonal with all of the Christmas ornaments, bow bedecked Christmas bears, Elf on the Shelf's and I still can't believe I ordered this... Christmas Pickles. The rest of the Playmobil is up on the shelves though, and it brings me great joy to look at it. We got the Egypt stuff in, which is very, very cool, but my favorite in this shipment has got to be the jewel thieves. Nothing like a little toy cat burglar to make me giddy with delight. I never got to have Playmobil when I was a child. We did have the little fisher price stuff though, and I feel like they allow the same kind of play. Playmobil does it with far greater detail, ingenuity, and way more cool little everything. My sisters and I spent hours with our fisher price toys, and when I send a set of Playmobil home with a child, I know the same kind of imaginative play will ensue. Worlds will be created for mini lives to be lived. A yearning to make those worlds come to life will be deeply seated at the core of the play, and that somehow on some level, that is exactly what will take place.

Gratitude and the divine.

I run. It keeps me somewhat sane. I was going to say sane, but I realize there are many who would debate that, so somewhat sane it is. Every day when I run I pause down by the Yamhill river, take my ear buds out, breathe deep, and give thanks for everything. Here's the catch. I'm not religious..I don't know who or what I'm thanking, I just know that it has to be done. Whether or not there is some higher order I feel I have an obligation as someone who is blessed with abundance to recognize that not everyone is. It has nothing to do with God, though I do feel the divine in my surroundings.
I'm perfectly happy in my lack of faith. I work hard to make the lives of people I touch better, and having been through intensely religious phases in my life can say that I live my life basically the same as I would if I feared judgment from on high. Raising children without religion has proved trickier than I imagined. What I would not give for simple "he's in heaven with Jesus" answers from time to time! I wanted to raise them to be able to make their own decisions regarding the divine order of things. To seek their own truths, and sometimes I fear that I have left giant blank slates for someone else to come along and fill.
I believe in sitting down at meal times and eating with friends and family, and as I have stated, in giving thanks, so at every meal our family says "thankfuls". We go around the table and acknowledge two things that we are sincerely thankful for. That, education about the religious beliefs of other people,and reading bible stories is the extent of our religious indoctrination. Some people worry that not having God and fear of judgment would leave children without a moral compass, but that hasn't been my experience. My children love (and can't stand) their fellow man just as much as any God fearing Christian. They also know that when you are a jerk, people treat you like one which makes your life miserable (Karma).
At hopscotch I have had a hard time deciding which religious materials to have in my product mix. I have some in books (Beautiful Noah's Ark book just came in), some in infant for baptisms and births, some in puzzles,some in educational, and some first communion type lockets and crosses in my jewelry. I want to offer something for everyone, and I truly believe that the tradition and cultures of all faiths are beautiful, diverse, and worthy of preservation. (Now I am hearing all of the childhood sermons about the hottest fires of hell being reserved for those who straddle the fence. Man that stuff stays with you!)) That said, I simply cannot stomach little white bears with angel wings that have sound chips that play electronic greeting card versions of Jesus Loves Me. The hottest fires of my own personal hell have shelves and shelves lined with them playing ceaselessly. Yup. I just tackled religion in a public forum that is directly tied to my business. Not recommended. Don't really care. Politics tomorrow?

Boys and Trains.

What is it with boys and trains? In an era when most boys have not even seen freight being unloaded from a train let alone ridden in one, many are still obsessed with them. It amazes me! It's not just Thomas either. As a matter of fact, our Thomas sales have taken a dive as our other train sales have climbed. Our electric trains do great particularly at Christmas time. Is it grandfathers passing along their passion? It really seems more organic than that. Eight times out of ten when a little boy comes through the front door of the store he heads right over to our Plan City train table. For some of these guys we are known as the train store though trains make up less than 1% of our inventory. We used to be exclusively Brio and Thomas, but then Brio went and got all strange and new-age with their trains and began manufacturing in China so I stopped ordering them and introduced Melissa and Doug for a generic non-character train. Yes, M&D is manufactured in China also, but they are priced like they are manufactured in china. I brought in Plan as an environmentally friendly option. Manufactured in Thailand from reclaimed rubber-tree wood. I love Plan toys! Boys and cars, I get that. Boys and construction stuff, I get that too. Boys and weapons, I even get that. But trains! I don't understand the drive in this day and age. Still, I must admit that though it is considered trespassing, I can't resist the urge to balance on the rails between 3rd and 5th street on my walk home (where this picture was taken incidentally). I enjoy the sound of the rumble and whistle when the 11:00 blows through town. I am transported by old songs of riding the rails and the freedom that it presented. I look forward to a time when we abandon much of the transportation we currently use and ride the rails once again.

Keeping it Fresh

We received our new Schleich display today and it is BEAUTIFUL!!Craig is our Schleich rep and he came out to help me put it together. One of my favorite low tech toys has always been a little plastic animal, and Schleich makes them the best. When I was a girl the only ones that were available to me were dinosaurs that had belonged to my dad. I wasn't into dinosaurs, but I spent hours with them forming family groups and enacting drama's large and small. Whether drought, starvation, or predators of unknown origins, survival was top on my list of things to play out. This kind of role playing is important to children learning how to relate to others, and how to interact with others. I can still conjure up the nurturing feelings I felt for my little dino family. One of the best things about these animals as opposed to dolls for this kind of modeling is that they are non-gender specific. Boys and girls alike enjoy playing with them. This makes them an ideal item for a family of mixed genders to collect. And, barring fire or a labrador retriever encounter, they will last for generations.

Community...and parks....

It's no secret. I love this community. As a mother, one of the things that I appreciate most is the park system. We spend a good portion of the year at various games and practices in Joe Dancer park. My dog and I are down there running the trails nearly every morning. The picture I posted was taken at the City Park, or the dragon park as all of the kids in my family call it. My dad was part of a community crew that built that play structure for the children of this community nearly twenty years ago. There were literally hundreds of people that donated money, time and tools to build it. I love that their grandchildren are playing on it now. With it's water feature, rock wall, skate park, etc. Discovery Meadows is the shiny new playground on the McMinnville park scene, but the city park is by far my favorite. It embodies so much of what makes McMinnville a great community to raise children in. First of all because it has been a gathering place for as long as McMinnville has been here. Secondly because it has that wonderful low tech wooden play structure that was built through community contributions and our volunteer spirit (not every community has that, it's special). Thirdly because it is at the center of our downtown and part of a walkable community with the library and pool right there. For my next blog I'll go on and on about some wonderful toy we have here at hopscotch (there are so many! we are receiving our Christmas inventory and every year I get so excited by it!) For today however, with summer drawn to a close and each sunny day feeling like a theft from the looming rainy season, I wanted to wax poetic one last time about summer days in the park.

Her Hearts Desire

This is a picture of Gracie Peak's birthday bin. A birthday bin is something we do here at hopscotch that is like a registry, but way cooler because the kids actually get to place their hearts desire into the bin. (the bin size also forces them to choose what they REALLY want, not everything in the store) I have come to look at them as little snapshots of the inner workings of a child at a certain point in time. Gracie is a very well rounded girl, she has her knight dress up stuff, her cupcake box, lots of charms for her charm bracelet, a sword, a huge sucker, the Klutz Guide to Immaturity, and a few other things. My kind of girl. What a child wants is a great insight into what is of value to them and who they are at any given time. I don't keep my children's report cards. I keep their Santa letters.
Wish lists and wants give insight into adult priorities also. I am a project girl, and with every project there are things that I intensely desire. When I look back through my notebooks, whether my want list included a spiral staircase, a Kubota tractor, a composting toilet, a milk cow, a herd of goats, a gambrel truss system, or a new point of sale system, offers great insight into who I was and what I was trying to accomplish at that point in my life. Many of these things I acquired, some of them (goats for instance) I am thankful I did not. That is another thing that is important to remember in these times of immediate and complete gratification. Sometimes the best thing you can give your child is to leave them yearning for that thing that is not appropriate for them or you can't afford. I have keen recollections of all the toys I wanted and never got. The memories of those longings are every bit as sweet as the memories of playing with the toys I did get. Open ended desire, longing, is vilified as lack of fulfillment, but sometimes the fantasy of what your life could be like with that shiny new thing is far more precious than the thing itself.